Religious Wedding
Fri., May 21, 03:35 PM
In response to what I wrote a few of days ago, I have been asked whether I favor religious ceremonies for same sex marriages. To tell you the truth, the type of ceremony never entered my mind. My own religion is a personal relationship between my God and me, without a middleman or cheerleaders. Maybe there’s a bit of an explanation in last year’s essay on religion. In any case, I try not to push religion on other people.
I guess I was extremely fortunate to have both an intense religious education during my elementary school years (after school, not during) as well as the freedom to think about what I learned and to find my own level. I forget that other people may not have had the same lack of restriction.
When I was a little girl, there was a show – first on radio, later on television – called “Bride and Groom.” Each day a couple would be interviewed (who they were, how they met, etc.). Then the ceremony would be performed on the show, and the couple received all kinds of gifts, including the wedding gown and rings, household furnishings, and a honeymoon vacation. I don’t remember ever seeing any wedding that wasn’t either Christian or Jewish, but there were many variations. (For a deaf couple, the minister “signed” the ceremony. Occasionally one would be bilingual.) That’s where I learned how similar all the vows are, regardless of the sect: “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health…” Uh, did I mention that marriage includes taking responsibility for one another?
Choosing a religious ceremony over a civil one – for any kind of union – begins with just how committed to your religion you are, not to mention whether your partner shares your views. If you are part of a congregation, will that congregation accept your choice of partner? Perhaps you can find a clergyman or -woman who will perform a private ceremony; on the other hand, you may want to have a public wedding with your friends in attendance.
Family views will influence the choice as well. I knew one couple that decided on a civil ceremony – rather than choose between Catholic and Protestant – until his mother cried. To please his mother, they were married in church – his church. Another couple, brought up in different faiths, simply wrote themselves a civil ceremony that incorporated some of the religious traditions they both admire. Would you like to lay odds as to which marriage was successful?
What you learned as a child will affect what you are able to accept as an adult. So I will concede, if family and friends – the important people – would be offended by a religious ceremony, the couple obviously would choose a civil ceremony.
But remember the song:
“…whenever two or more of you are gathered in His name, there is love.”
