Don’t Make It Complicated
Mon., February 9, 12:39 PM
Sometimes people get so caught up in their opinions that they make things more complicated than they are. And some of you won’t agree with me on this, and you are welcome to leave now.
Let’s say that a man and a woman set up housekeeping in your neighborhood. You expect them to be good citizens – to pay their rent, to keep noise to a minimum and clean up their trash, not to cause public nuisances. If they have children, you expect them to feed and clothe those children, to keep them out of mischief, to send them to school as the law requires.
You are as friendly or as distant with these neighbors as you and they care to be. You accord them the rights and privileges that go with their status. You do not snoop into their private affairs, because that is not your business. You do not even ask to see their marriage certificate.
[It strikes me that, in thirty-five years, I don’t remember ever being asked to produce the documents that prove we are married. Simply “I’m his wife” was sufficient.]
Husband and wife, with or without kids, that’s the “norm.” But there are more and more variations from it. The term blended family was coined to deal with the “step’s” and “half’s” caused by divorce. But in the days when divorce was rare, early death was a lot more common. The requirements of life go on, and it was not unusual for a widow and widower to stand before witnesses and promise to be responsible for each other. You did not snicker and speculate whether the marriage was for convenience only, because it was their business, not yours.
But the minute that couple consists of two people of the same gender, crowds gather to protest the union. Why are you making it so complicated? If they are good neighbors, if they take responsibility for each other, their private life is still not your business. What gives you the right to pass judgment on whether they love each other?
If same-gender couples do not get married, they don’t automatically have the rights and privileges they’re entitled to. Even if a clergyman pronounces them married, they’re still short-changed legally. Oh, sure, they can go to a lawyer and have wills and powers of attorney and prenuptial agreements drawn up – at a far greater expense than a marriage license costs. And maybe some judge will decide to throw it all out of court anyway. Remember, they wouldn’t have to call it “marriage” if some people hadn’t already blocked their other alternatives.
I’ve always felt that intolerance is caused by fear of the unknown. I won’t speculate on what is in your private life to make you feel so scared.
