Cat Declares War
Wed., November 26, 10:18 AM
We need some background, I guess. I don’t talk much about 
the feline known as Cat
because I don’t feel a lot of affection for him. He’s fat, spoiled, and destructive. He likes me – but I’m convinced that’s only because I am a supplier of food. He is devoted to U.D., craving her attention so much he purrs if she beats him. (It’s only the core of a paper towel roll, but he loves being beaten with it.) He is, I suppose, fairly clever; he knows all sorts of ways to con people into feeding him. And he knows where different kinds of food are kept.
When U.D. began dating JM, he and Cat got along just fine. Cat would meow plaintively, even if he’d just eaten, and JM would give him more food. But soon there was trouble. Not only was JM monopolizing Cat’s person, he was actually staying in Cat’s room – with the door closed and Cat out in the hall.
So Cat tried a new game. He would knock over the garbage can in the kitchen. Every time JM heard the can fall over, he would come out of Cat’s room, pick up the trash, and give Cat some food to keep him quiet. From Cat’s point of view, this was a really cool game.
Until Cat played it once too often. The third time in one night, JM got up and, instead of feeding Cat, he disciplined him. He couldn’t spank him, of course, because Cat likes that, but he did throw water on him and he didn’t feed him. From that day, Cat avoided JM. JM petted him and fed him, and Cat just wasn’t interested. JM picked him up to cuddle him, and Cat did his best to get free to run and hide.
Finally, last week, the culmination. Cat was still mad, and he let it all out – literally. I woke in the night to the sound of the shower running, and U.D. came into my room to tell me. As soon as JM finished his shower, she would have to go downstairs to wash JM’s clothes.
When I told Husband about it – it’s his kind of story, after all – he said, “Boy, I bet he was peed off!” Well, yeah. I just told you that.
Anyhow, Cat is still mad and JM’s feelings are still hurt. Sorry, guys, this is something I can’t fix. And please don’t send me any solutions to the problem. I’ve heard ’em all; my solution would be to get rid of the animal, but U.D. still loves him.
