Hey, Mr. Dubya! Hey, Mr. Saddam!
Mon., February 10, 02:50 PM
This Iraq thing is getting on my nerves. I’m so afraid that some well-meaning idiot is going to misinterpret something, fire one shot, and we’ll all have to duck. Maybe we can find a possible logical solution. Saddam Hussein says he has no weapons. And Dubya’s only interest is to disarm those weapons of mass destruction; he doesn’t want territory or oil or anything valuable like that.
If Saddam has no weapons, maybe he should give up! With the appropriate wording it won’t be negative; rather than “I surrender,” he can say, “I declare Baghdad an open city.” Doesn’t that sound noble? I think a similar declaration was made about Rome during World War II, in the interest of protecting an area historically valuable to the entire world. In any case, troops can then occupy the city without firing a shot. Neat!
Once U.S. troops are actually in Iraq, they don’t have to do anything threatening. They can continue to look for the weapons of mass destruction, but they won’t have much to do, since there aren’t any. We have Saddam’s word on that. The U.S. troops aren’t going to seize the oil fields, because they have no interest in the oil. We have Dubya’s word on that.
So the troops can stay there and learn about the Iraqi culture and language, install some hygiene if necessary or teach the kids to play baseball. And maybe we can start thinking of each other as people instead of enemies. And nobody would have to die.
It’s too simple. It would never work.
