Learning to Please Yourself As
Fri., December 27, 01:30 PM
Learning to Please Yourself
As Rick Nelson sang in “Garden Party,” “…you can’t please everyone, so you’ve gotta please yourself.” It’s a hard thing to learn, especially if you’ve already spent a lifetime putting your own wishes on hold. It’s even more difficult if you’ve been brought up to believe that you have no artistic ability or taste or the sense to think for yourself. I still remember the day I learned that my own preference in clothes was perfectly all right.
Even when I was well into my twenties, my mother was choosing my clothes. I’m not saying she was wrong. She generally had a good eye for line and color. She also happened to work in Bloomingdale’s, and a 20 percent discount is not to be sneezed at. But above all, she was such a dominating personality that I didn’t realize I had some of the same traits until I lived away from her.
However, one day I did the unthinkable and bought a dress by myself. Not just to hang around in, mind you, this was a dress for work. The colors were somewhat unusual, but understated; it was comfortable to look at and comfortable to wear. It was something my mother never would have chosen. When I came downstairs wearing it, my mother had a fit. She spent at least fifteen minutes telling me what a horrible choice I had made. I didn’t say anything. It was going to take all the courage I had not to go and change my outfit. I continued to get my breakfast and prepare to leave for the train. “After everything I’ve said, you’re still going to wear that?” My mother was amazed; she never thought I had any nerve – or spunk or whatever.
I left for the city. I’m talking about Manhattan, y’know, not South Podunk. And it was the sixties, when we dressed for work, including high heels and nylon hose. I was not slumming.
I couldn’t believe how many compliments I received that day. From my co-workers, including my boss. From people in other departments. Maybe my expression changed because I liked the way I looked. When I went to lunch, my regular waitress said, “Miss Muffet, that dress looks lovely on you.” (No, that wasn’t my name; she had started calling me that as a joke, and it stuck.)
When I think about life-altering experiences, that’s one that always comes to mind. Even if I was afraid to do it, I had done something to please myself. The world did not come to an end. My mother didn’t even banish me from her sight and tell me never to return. No, I was not about to push my way through life demanding only my own requests, but I knew that sometimes I was able to please myself.
The idea for this post came from Sheryl Wolff Kayne, who writes a weekly column called The Weigh It Is. Her column today was about pleasing herself. The web site is not ready yet, but I’m including the link in hope.
