Television - A Different View
Fri., March 15, 10:49 AM
I married a television addict. It’s one of those things you can’t know till you live with someone. When the TV was on – which was most of the time – he had to watch it. He even turned it toward the mirror so he could watch while he dressed. Obviously, this was not a characteristic that would ever change; I would have to learn to live with it.
It was years before I understood why he was that way; I had to compare my own early experience first. My family was the last in our neighborhood to acquire a television set, because my parents had different priorities. For example, we were the first to have an automatic washer. And our education was important. When I was in fifth grade, the teacher asked how many pupils did not have TV; as one of the other kids noted, those without were the smartest in the class.
At any rate, we didn’t have TV until I was twelve years old, and I’m not sure we would have gotten it then if it hadn’t been an election year. But once the nominating conventions were over, my parents weren’t watching much. I remember spending that summer glued to the set, from mid-morning when programming started till the late night sign-off.
But that got it out of my system. I would never again have my life ruled by program managers. I didn’t even buy a set of my own until I was an adult, and that was because I was the only one who watched baseball – but that’s another story.
Husband didn’t have a normal childhood and probably couldn’t even choose what was on the radio. Where I had books and was encouraged to read, he had comic books. Around the time that I was learning about TV, he was in the military, where television was not yet universal. Of course, as an adult he had to earn a living first, and his television set was a long-awaited luxury. (To kids who have always had two or three sets in the house, calling television a luxury is positively alien.)
When we were first married, we had one working set, and I watched television with him. If I decided to read instead, I wasn’t really there with him. Reading is a solitary activity, ignoring others in the room, and that didn’t seem conducive to a happy marriage. So I learned to watch with him even if I didn’t always prefer those shows, and I discovered that he could enjoy more if I was there to explain things to him. I won’t pretend that I didn’t learn too; nothing you ever learn is wasted.
It made him happy and, like any young bride, I was most interested in making my husband happy. It isn’t until years later you realize he didn’t have to be quite so happy.
I had left my job in order to move to my husband’s town, and I did not seek another. Without a car, I was limited to where I could go by myself, and being home alone all day made me dependent on radio and TV (and talking to myself). After my first baby was born, I planned my days around caring for the baby and inserted a couple of favorite shows into my schedule. For example, knowing I would be nursing the baby sometime around noon, I would settle down with her in time to watch “Jeopardy!” Babies learn routine quickly, and the first thing she always recognized on the screen was the face of the reporter who read the newscast just before.
We had three babies in three years, and I was even less mobile than I had been before. It didn’t matter much to me; my agenda at that time was teaching the children. Yes, I talked and sang to them, I read to them, but I also used television as a resource. Forget about “Sesame Street,” though they all eventually became fans. (I was a fan too; it’s an entertaining show.) The television was a place to point out doggies and kitties, cars and houses, and all kinds of people. Children remember trademarks in much the same way as they remember letters. It’s a bright kid who yells out “Shell!” because it matches a commercial, or keeps saying “crocker” in every aisle of the market. I thought she was saying “cracker,” though we weren’t near any crackers; then I realized that she recognized the big red spoon of Betty Crocker. That was pretty good, because she had been watching black and white TV but still made the connection.
They were going to have to learn to live with television. Whenever Daddy was home, the TV was on, and the kids often watched with him. One of my rules was that there would be no TV in the mornings, when it would interfere with necessary routines, especially once they started school. The children were accustomed to listening to the radio too. The most important rule about TV was that the children could watch just about anything, but never without an adult present.
Children need to be able to ask a question as soon as they see something confusing. Sometimes they need to be prompted to think beyond what’s on the screen. For example, Bugs Bunny and Woody Woodpecker are very funny, but often they’re not very nice. They tease the other characters and they often take what doesn’t belong to them. So you use the cartoons to start forming the kids’ judgment and sense of getting along with others.
We all know how trashy soap operas can be. Nevertheless, they provide pictures of families different from ours and the basis of questions. “Billy says girls can’t be doctors.” “Of course they can; look at Laura on ‘Days of Our Lives.’” That serial was a favorite for years.
We looked at commercials and began asking more questions, sometimes about the product and sometimes about the presentations. A broken toy on TV had to wait until the daddy came home to fix it. “That’s pretty silly, isn’t it? Who fixes your toys?” “Mommy does.”
We watched the news – definitely too scary to watch without parents – and game shows, and looked things up when we didn’t know the answers. When my son watched “The Karate Kid,” he asked me if Okinawa was a real place. When I told him it was, without prompting he went to the encyclopedia to look it up.
We bought that encyclopedia when he was about three and he helped me put it away. He couldn't read yet, but he knew his numbers well enough to put the volumes in order. Yay, Sesame!
The television could supply far more music and drama than I every could and, yes, I learned to watch MTV. Eventually we all got saturated; I don’t think any of them watch it any more. As far as that goes, all enjoy television, but they generally take it or leave it.
Husband, on the other hand, is still a TV addict. Now retired, he sleeps all day so that he can stay up all night and watch. He tapes a lot of stuff, but he always monitors it so he can edit out the commercials. I don’t watch with him any more. I have another set in the kitchen if I want to see something. He doesn’t understand why my TV is not on all the time. Watching TV makes him happy, so let him watch. Maybe he’s getting the childhood he certainly has earned.
We can’t all buy the resources we think we need. Sometimes you have to make do with what you have. I laugh when I hear ads selling materials without which “you can’t teach your child to read.” My kids all learned to read at home – one before she was four – using books and magazines, television, and mother.
Of course, if you know any of my kids, you already know that they are very bright. Husband used to say, “they inherited your brains.” I maintain that any child can be taught whatever you have to teach him or her. On the other hand, I couldn’t teach the old one, could I?
