At a Loss for Words
Fri., September 3, 01:32 PM
Well, if not exactly a loss of words, at least at a loss for the right words. All day Wednesday I kept telling myself, I need to post on Thursday. I’ve been staring at a blank page without knowing what to put on it. Two years ago I posted an entry about our wedding anniversary, and I did another last year. Why can’t I do it this year?
Husband is still in the hospital, but he is steadily improving. They’ve been moving him to progressively less critical areas and, in fact, he will probably be moved out to a nursing home today. A couple of weeks there and he should be ready to come home.
I did give the continuing care managers a hard time. No, I will not accept placing him in a facility so far away that I can’t easily visit him daily. No, I will not make a snap decision. He has been my responsibility for the last thirty-six years, and I haven’t resigned from the job yet.
Which is not to say that I find this fun. He complains about anything he doesn’t like about the hospital, but not to them. To me. I put a dozen plans on hold because I had to make time to visit him. Where, depending on who’s with me, he asks, “Where’s [the other one]?”
I was there this morning at eight o’clock. I told him yesterday I’d be there early. He was fast asleep. (Well, that is his favorite pastime.) The nurse told me that after breakfast, he’d be taken down to Podiatry to have his toenails cared for. (I had already suggested they try Maintenance; he laughed.) Eventually he opened his eyes, not even a “good morning,” and I told him the plans. I had brought the newspaper he asked for, as promised. He went back to sleep for a while, then woke up and told me to go ask where the food was. And give him his glasses and the paper.
That’s kind of the way it is with him. He still doesn’t realize (I’m not sure the continuing care managers realize) that a nursing facility is not a hospital. There just isn’t the same amount of professional staff who will cater just to him. Of course, I know this will pass too.
So what kind of comment can I make about our anniversary? I’m worried about him and I’m also annoyed with him. I’m still glad that he allowed me to be myself rather than making me into someone else. And I’m grateful that we made it through one more year.
