It Wasn't Supposed to Be Like This
Wed., December 8, 03:33 PM
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
Last winter, when I first talked to my oncologist, I figured I would be in chemotherapy till the end of summer, followed by a period of radiation therapy, and I would be fine by the end of the year. I finished chemo in August and started radiation about three weeks later.
In the middle of radiation, of course, Husband became ill. He went from intensive care through gradual stepdowns until the doctors felt he could be transferred to a skilled nursing facility. He was away from home for almost six weeks. And he still has no idea how seriously ill he was. As sister says, why should he worry? For thirty-six years he has had someone to do his worrying for him. That has certainly sapped some of my energy too.
But we’re nearing the end of the year. I’ve finished treatment, and the oncologist says I came through it well. I even have some hair back, although not enough to comb. I go into the office three days a week, working a few more hours each week. Then I come home, have lunch, and… go to sleep. Why am I still so tired?
It isn’t even something I can predict. I can have a couple of days when I’m fine. I structure my day with big “buffer times” in the afternoon, time when I might run the vacuum or fold some laundry or read some diaries. Nothing vital scheduled during that time, because I might just become unbearably sleepy.
It’s almost embarrassing: I’m not surprised that I’m too tired to post anything, but how bad is it when I don’t even have the energy to read? I expected my energy level back by now.
Here’s another plan that went awry. Once my treatments were over, I was going to contribute to charity. The way I was brought up, that is the natural thing to do. But instead of giving money away, I’ve been paying Husband’s co-pays; Medicare pays a lot, but not everything. I’m just grateful that we have the money to pay our bills, but I’m sad that I can’t donate much to charity. I keep telling them, it’s been a tough year, this is the best I can do.
This is just whining, very unbecoming. But I had to post now, because I wanted you to see what my mentors have done for my page. And for those of you who are so inclined, I believe there will soon be a “Notify” list.
Give a cheer for Bren and Jen. Aren’t they terrific!
