Looking to Spring
Wed., February 16, 09:05 AM
Question for you, l’empress: Why don’t you post every day? Answer: It’s not that I don’t try. But some of the stuff I write is so bad even I don’t want to read it. There are plenty of false starts on my hard drive; maybe I can rework them someday. But I really admire the self-discipline of those who manage to write something every day.
So I went to ophthalmologist on Friday. “Good report,” says the doctor, “no injuries, no glaucoma, no diabetic damage.” Yeah, everything’s good, except that I can’t read. Or knit. Or sew.
I’m grateful for small favors. Magnifiers – and I’ve got a new prescription – are invaluable. Despite my inability to focus, I manage to read the newspaper every day. I’m working on The DaVinci Code a few pages at a time; I should be able to finish it by the end of the month. But, as you can imagine, I’m frustrated.
Y’know, it’s even worse when you understand why. I know that there are specific muscles that contract and relax so that you can focus. I know that they get weaker with age, and that’s why we may need some kind of eyeglasses. I can even understand that it happened faster than I expected.
I don’t understand why some muscles get stronger when you use them, whereas these muscles do not. It doesn’t seem logical. I can enlarge things on the computer (except for those pages written in 7-point Verdana!). I can – and do – run the occasional crossword puzzle through the copier at 125 per cent. But I lose patience with enlarging pages through a glass.
I suspect this happened to my aunt Dora, who showed signs of depression in her later years. Like me, she had been a voracious reader since she was a small child – and she was the one who taught me to do word puzzles. Not knowing what she could do to help herself, she struck out at the people around her, and her interpersonal skills – which hadn’t been that great to begin with – deteriorated until she spoke to no one.
My aunt’s methods are not mine, and I certainly won’t blame people for my reduced reading skills. But you’ll have to excuse me if I complain from time to time. I’m not willing to sit and wait for everything to get worse. If I can’t vent quietly, I’ll be screaming at the walls.
On Monday Son went with me for the oncology checkup. I’m “doing great.” My blood work was good. My energy will continue to return. (I guess it will; I worked for four hours on Tuesday. That’s the longest I’ve been able to work since chemo started.)
Lovely weather, time with my kids – I spent almost no time on the computer. I did check Bosslawyer’s e-mail, to alert him if there was anything important going on. There wasn’t.
Our nice weather is about to disappear for another month, but it really gave me a boost.
