The Maven
Tue., August 23, 08:19 AM
Maven is a Yiddish word that means expert. In the tradition of Yiddish, of course, it implies much more than that. A maven is a self-proclaimed expert, especially someone who always know more than you. In common usage, "my brother-in-law the maven…"
My sister is a maven. Well, I suppose that, to some extent, everyone in our family is. When she was younger, Sister was generally not too obnoxious about it, except when she was talking to a child – or occasionally, to an adult she perceived as a child. But it's gotten worse as she gets older – probably due in large part to her husband… well, we won’t go into that.
My sister is quite a bit younger than I, although for years people used to ask if we were twins. "Oh, no," she would say, "Empress is much older." Well, I'm sure you know how annoying it can be to be lectured by a person who is so much younger.
Mostly I ignore it; it's not worth an argument. But when she doesn't respect my kids, when she acts as if they're still babies, I get ticked. (Remember, my “babies” are in their thirties, responsible adults.) Being very good at passive aggression, I usually bide my time till I can get back at her. And I will.
Last week she left me an urgent-sounding message to call her back. All I could think of was, who died? Well, I'm happy to say no one had died. Sister had seen something on public television that prompted her to go online, and now she was going to tell me all about Arimidex®.
Arimidex is the aromatase inhibitor I take because I was treated for breast cancer last year. I already knew everything she was about to tell me. I told Sister I had read all that stuff because Ms. P. had brought me all kinds of swag from the last conference she attended. Unimpressed, Sister said, “I don't know Ms. P.” I told her that Ms. P. is Son's ladyfriend, and I could just hear Sister's tone of voice dismissing her immediately. After all, Son is “a kid, what does he know?”
As it happens, Ms. P. is in the business, so to speak. She works in research for a pharmaceutical company. Sister is still not impressed. “What does she do?” Well, I don't know her title… Sister is pressing now, “I don't care about her title, what does she do?” The voice of the maven is heard in the land.
Ms. P. teaches the testing protocols to the investigating physicians when a new medication is being tested. She knows her stuff. She really is an expert.
Silence. I got her. As Sister used to tell her husband, "don't mess with Empress, cause she's gonna get ya." What a pity she doesn't remember that. Ahem.
