There's a Man Outside My Window
Fri., January 20, 10:59 AM
As I sit here typing, there’s a man outside my window. That’s not as ominous as it sounds. Miss Neighbor is getting a new roof – which she’s needed for some time – and these houses are so close together that the guys seem to be right outside.
So she’s getting a new roof, so what? It happens all the time; we had ours done a few months ago too. Why is this significant? Well, Miss Neighbor has not lived in the house for the past six months. She fell again last July, and the hospital would not release her to be alone at home. She was told that she was too run-down and needed to learn to take better care of herself.
She has been in a nursing home ever since. U.D. and I pick up her mail and keep an eye on her house; we’ll pick up some small purchase like postage stamps, and she sends us a check. She will not be indebted to anyone. She always says she expects to be home soon.
Miss Neighbor doesn’t want people to know where she is, nor does she see anyone. She seems to find U.D. less threatening than most other people and talks to her on the phone; however, she doesn’t see U.D. either. I sent her a note a few months ago suggesting she contact her insurer about the house being empty, as well as a lawyer if she has one (’cause I’m not a lawyer and really can’t give her advice).
The new roof suggests to me that she’s really thinking about selling her house. I’m sure it’s worth a pretty good price in today’s market; properties in this town have just been reassessed – almost double what they were before – which means that taxes will go up. Without any close family or friends, she will just take her money and hide away for the rest of her life. It seems very sad to me.
She’s not the only older person I’ve seen in this situation. My friend Gloria is in a similarly bad position, except she’s trapped in her apartment because her pension isn’t large enough to cover a long-term nursing home. Perhaps one of the requirements of aging is that we must learn to accept help. I say this even in light of my previous comments about women learning to be independent.
I’ve watched Miss Neighbor give up driving and take taxis; hire people to do the yard work she used to do herself; and even pay someone to drag out her trash can on the appropriate day. She used to send someone to pick up some groceries, paying them for time and gas. She can’t seem to grasp the concept of people who will help just because they are friendly. Maybe it’s just too much of a jump for her.
I’ve just used my Jonah education to solve a related problem. It takes a little longer when you don’t have another Jonah to share the individual elements of the situation. We used to call this “evaporating a cloud”; if you can logically argue away one (perhaps hidden) assumption, the whole thing turns over.
I have been irritated, frustrated, infuriated by Husband’s eating habits. If I provide a fresh hot meal, he will leave it for later, because he can always microwave it. He has even asked me to make him something, only to say, “put it aside, I’ll eat it later.” And it suddenly occurred to me – because I have been chewing on this like a dog with an old bone – that I don’t have to do it. I’m certainly not going to let him starve. But I don’t have to wait until he gets up in the evening to start preparations. I made his “supper” a little while ago and stuck it in the fridge. He can eat it whenever he likes. And I am not going to drop whatever I’m doing, just so he can make demands. Goody for me!
