Registering your China
Mon., January 30, 02:23 PM
I think I’ve touched on this subject before…but my motives are different this time.
With twenty-twenty hindsight, we can see the source of some women’s attitudes – the kind that feminists deplore. During World War II women had performed men’s jobs because the men were in the military and someone had to do them. I’m not talking just about Rosie the Riveter. Women drove trucks, which was physically hard work in the days before power everything. A couple of my cousins worked as draftsmen (had they been boys, they would have been junior engineers, I’m sure). Women did the work of accountants, managed offices, and supervised employees.
When the war was over, it was necessary for those women to vacate their jobs because the men who were coming home needed those jobs. Many of those women, of course, were glad to do so. But many others would have been glad to retain their independence.
Thus the newspapers and the ladies magazines and other arbiters of public opinion really encouraged women to stay home. Being a good wife and mother was not just an appropriate thing for women to do, it was the only proper thing for them to do.
Meanwhile, the marketing people went to work, developing products that were designed to keep a woman happy at home. New ideas about decorating, cooking, and child rearing – even if the exact opposite was pitched the following year – kept the writers busy.
Young girls were persuaded to start planning their weddings and their homes while they were still in their teens. Colleges had home economics courses about china dinnerware and sterling silver.
The new marketing agendas did boost the economy. Jobs increased, even for women. In the early 1950’s my mother went to work in the new Blomingdale’s department store in our town. We children were happy for her. Bloomie’s was a prestigious store, and she was obviously happy in what she was doing. She worked there for nearly thirty years.
Bloomingdale’s followed the trend of the times and became part of the guide for the “right thing to do.” You hung curtains on all your windows. You put your kids through school, and you outfitted them for senior prom and graduation. You saw to it that your daughters registered their patterns as soon as they got engaged. Women related to this on two fronts: (1) they had been short-changed by the Depression and the War, and (2) their daughters were going to have what they missed out on.
When I was in my mid-twenties, my mother suddenly bought a lot of dinnerware. (I’ve often wondered whether there was a sale on Lenox that month.) She chose the patterns and bought six place settings for me and a different six for my sister.
Characteristically, Sister took hers back and exchanged them for a pattern she liked better. Mother’s feelings were hurt, but she didn’t say anything to Sister. Sister was known to be “spunky.” On the other hand, “wishy-washy” Empress kept hers.
Even though I had had something else in mind, I liked this pattern. It was not one that Lenox regularly advertised, and I had never seen it before. Since I never believed that I could afford Lenox, I had been looking at some less expensive Japanese dinnerware. Either pattern would go well with the sterling I had chosen.
But we ran into a snag when Husband and I became engaged. Registering was the same as "begging" which you may remember was something Mother didn’t allow. She told her colleagues at Bloomie’s that I (not she) didn’t believe in registering. When people asked her specifically what I needed, she told them. Well, I didn’t need any more china; I already had six place settings, plus soups. But only a couple of family members asked about sterling, so I have (drumroll, please) two place settings and some assorted pieces that were bought by my own friends.
In the long run, it’s probably a good thing that I didn’t get hung up over dinnerware. Husband has no understanding of the niceties of table decoration, and no interest in it. When he used to wash the dishes regularly, he hated using the “good stuff,” because he had to be careful. And, rather than putting it back in the hutch (yes, he did understand about hutches), he would pile it back on the table for me to put away.
What brought all this on? I’m waiting to see what my future daughter-in-law is registering. I don’t have my mother’s problem with it. And Ms. P. has a large and loving family who will need the information. I’m looking forward to this wedding!
