A Funny Thing Happened...
Fri., March 3, 12:30 PM
For more years than I can remember, I’ve been aware that someone or something is looking out for me. (Not quite comfortable with the concept of a guardian angel, I’ve rather liked the idea that maybe it was my Gramma.) In any case, it has happened enough times to make me believe.
Somehow or other, things usually turn out right for me. I’m not going into detail, but, believe me, it’s true. And what I’ve especially noticed is that, when circumstances become so unbearable that I’m forced into a decision I don’t want to make, it turns out to be the right decision.
I’ve said — any number of times — that this is not how I intended to spend my retirement years. I knew I wanted to keep active and busy. And there were specific things that I hoped to do.
One of those was travel, but forget about that. Even after I realized that Husband would much rather stay home and that he would only leave the house under duress, I still figured I could go by myself. I dragged him to Oregon and to Florida; the last trip to Boston demonstrated that I can’t do that any more. I left him home a couple of times. Nearly twenty years ago, I visited St. Thomas one year and London a couple of years later. Husband was still working then; he would rather spend his vacation by himself. Whatever.
Except what he does in my absence is throw away his medications, and do generally self-destructive things. At least, since we took away the cigarettes, he is less likely to burn down the house. I can’t leave him unless I can hire a sitter — which means more changes to the house than I am prepared to make. I don’t leave him alone for more than a couple of hours at a time, usually when he’ll be asleep. Fortunately, he sleeps mostly during the day, when I can still drive around.
I also had hopes of reading all the books I never go around to. I thought I’d work on my song project. I used to take pleasure in knitting and in hand embroidery. All of those pastimes require better eyes than I’ve got. And so it goes.
I’ve been so weary lately that I nap in the afternoons and still sleep all night. Something is stressing me out.
But remember, I’ve been taught to identify constraints and take a pro-active step toward combating them. For example, I finally ordered some of my favorite authors in large print. Not being able to read left a kind of a hunger in me. At the same time, I know that I experience stress from other sources too.
So I’ve done it, even though I felt bad about it. I contacted the employment agency and told them I want to retire. In theory, a “temp” doesn’t have to give notice. (Some temp — I’ve been there for nearly five years.) Anyhow, in view of how long I’ve worked for Bosslawyer, I told the agency I was willing to give him a couple of weeks to break in a new secretary. By the time the clocks change, I will be a free woman!
You can’t imagine what a load that is off my mind!
