Family Values
Sat., June 10, 05:47 PM
Cartoonists are among the cleverest people, and I’ve been really enjoying their work. It just takes me awhile to remember how to share it.
This one is for my friends who enjoy “Lost.” 
This one illustrates my previous post
Politics masquerading as “morality.”
I keep asking myself, what do those jacki know about “family values” or even about family? Did they ever diaper babies? Did they ever spend half an hour walking a fussy infant back and forth through the apartment so that her mother could get a nap? Did they ever help a small boy with his arithmetic? How about cooking a dinner to give mom a night off -- and cleaning up after yourself? It’s more than just a word, y’know.
A local “expert,” who was interviewed for the news, said that, although the amendment had failed, it was a good thing. It brought focus on the fact that “the institution of marriage is in trouble.” Well, lemme tell ya. In the past fifty-plus years, I can’t remember a time when there wasn’t someone saying that marriage was in trouble. It was terrible, they said, that one in four marriages failed. (No one ever said that three out of four succeeded.) I don’t consider myself an expert, not even after thirty-eight years of marriage, because no one knows about a marriage except the two people involved, but I would be willing to guess that a lot of those marriages never should have taken place at all.
My friend dichroic had some interesting observations. She pointed me to a statement from the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, which is interesting in its entirety. However, I especially liked this sentence: “The federal government of the United States has no authority to define the religious elements of a marriage for any religious group.” In my opinion, you must be able to prove a concept to be deleterious to the community before you may restrict it.
I always specify that you must keep in mind the time and place. According to one of my sociology professors, in colonial Rhode Island a man could marry his niece, provided that they were both Jewish. I don’t know whether it was the Christian or the Jewish community that thought that one up, but here’s how I interpret it: Those in charge felt that what might be construed as incest – because the definition of that differs in each culture – was preferable to “mixing the races.”
Yes, we’re talking about a time when Jews were considered a separate race. That mindset has existed in a lot of places, in a lot of times; that’s why we’re conscious of it. But religion is not race – as we could now prove via DNA tests – and stereotyping is stupid anyhow.
Just an aside: A friend of mine moved from the United States to Switzerland right after 9-11. He flew there to start his new job, and his furniture was shipped by boat. When his belongings finally arrived, the shipping company sent along workers to unpack the cartons – husky, blue-eyed blond men. In the course of conversation, he discovered that several were Muslims, who had emigrated from Bosnia.
They were very nice and certainly helpful, but the thought went through his mind, “there are Muslims in my apartment – and they have box cutters!” Then he laughed at himself, because he used to conduct classes on harassment in the workplace. He really knew that stereotyping is stupid.
Many kids who grew up in observant Jewish homes were used to hearing that, if they married a non-Jew, “I’ll sit shiva for you.” In other words, they’d be considered dead. I not only heard it, I said it…a long time ago. I think that a lot of people came to the conclusion that, philosophy notwithstanding, it’s not worth giving up your children.
(I know my mother felt that way when my brother got married. Quite frankly, I liked that wife much better than his second one, who fit the religion requirement.)
I never tried to choose my kids’ friends, nor did I allow them to make judgment based only on externals. I tried to teach them to learn about other people’s customs and to respect everyone. Do I now say, respect those people but you can’t marry them? I don’t think so. I do think that both parties can contribute something to the family – because I do believe in family values.
In Yiddish, we say mishpocheh. It’s derived from the Hebrew word for family, but it embodies much more than that.
