A Bicultural Ceremony
Sun., November 19, 10:17 AM
As many of you know, my son was raised and educated in the Jewish tradition. Ms. P. is Catholic. To the best of my knowledge, this has not caused any great problem for them in the time they've known each other. But a wedding ceremony is a different matter altogether.
Neither one was willing to give up personal tradition to be married in the other's faith. That is as it should be. A civil ceremony was out of the question as well. Therefore, the couple set about finding both a priest and a rabbi who would work together to produce the kind of ceremony they wanted. I would have to say they were very successful. Within their large circle of friends, at least fifteen couples have married in the past year. Ms. P. and Son have seen many weddings from which they might find examples.
I'm sure this couple gave both rabbi and priest some uncomfortable moments, and I have to respect their efforts. We live in a diverse world, and we lose too much if we segregate ourselves because of our differences. I have come to believe that the greatest hope for humanity is to embrace our similarities, even as we continue to honor our traditional values. They put together a beautiful ceremony, which I will try to describe for you. I'm sure some details are out of order, but you'll get the idea.
In the custom of Jewish weddings, Husband and I accompanied Son down the aisle. Ms. P., absolutely exquisite, was escorted by her father. The rabbi welcomed us all and then explained the chupah. The ceremony is conducted under this canopy, which signifies the couples's joining under one roof; it is open on all four sides to symbolize their loving and open home, supported by friends and family. The priest presented a homily from the Book of Mark. The rabbi chanted the blessing over the wine, and the couple shared wine from one cup. The priest listened to their vows (no coaching necessary), and they exchanged rings. They were pronounced husband and wife, and there was a final benediction. Finally, the rabbi explained the breaking of the glass, including a meaning I had not heard before -- the broken glass represents a change that cannot be undone. Son stamped on the glass, we all yelled "mazel tov," and, yes, I used up all my Kleenex.
There were three readings dispersed through the service, presented by the sisters-in-law, that is, the wife of the bride's brother and the sisters of the groom. All of the readings were well done, but I have to mention that my Middle Daughter, who has been a splendid reader since she was a kid, outdid herself this time.
This wedding had no honor attendants. The four bridesmaids were all old friends of the bride, equally important. The groomsmen consisted of Son's oldest childhood friends and the brother of his bride. He refused to make any one more important than the other. As they made their toasts, each telling how they met all those years ago, I felt a connection: "we met in junior high school and were immediate kindred spirits." That could have been my friend Bunny and I. Son and his friends had ridden the same school bus for special TAG classes twenty-plus years ago. The story of their lives was written into their wedding.
I thought this wedding encompassed a lot of what I had written in A Question of Religion and Religion Revisited. But I didn't offer any suggestions because I believe you must teach your children while they are young and then hope it works when they're adults. I'm very proud of my daughter-in-law and my son.
