Just Jealous?
Fri., January 12, 01:35 PM
Was my mother the only one who did this? I don't know. But whenever I came home from school and told her the other kids teased me because I was different, she would say, "They're just jealous."
At that time I didn't know I would always be different. I might have some things in common with some other people, but the combination would never be quite the same. I didn't know I was unique.
Anyhow, just about the only thing I could imagine they might be jealous about was my good schoolwork. The only advice my mother gave me was, "don't show off so much." That is a really mixed message for a kid. You are in a group situation. The goal is to excel -- and heaven help you at home if you don't! At the same time, you should not let anyone know how good you are, even though class participation is part of the job. It was years before I came even close to figuring out how to live with that.
Of course, that was a lifetime ago, but nothing you ever learn is wasted. It came back to me when I was trying to figure out something that happened to me recently.
Someone I have known for a long time made a remark that could have been very insulting. Having gained some perspective over the years, I wasn't insulted, but I wondered why she would try to hurt me. Maybe she thought it was funny, but it wasn't. Maybe she didn't understand, even though she is a fairly astute lady. And from the past came my mother's voice: "She's just jealous."
Of what? What do I have that she doesn't have? She always has the best of anything that she buys -- or earns -- or receives as a gift. Hers is always the best; just ask her.
Well, y'know, I don't play that game. My priorities are different. I listen to what she says, but I don't pass judgment. Her priorities are not mine. I know that she was hurt when someone once commented that she and her husband don't have children, and I certainly would not do that.
I don't ignore my children in conversation, you understand. They are a fact of my life. But as they grow older, she respects them less and less. If I were to refer to someone else's opinion, she might listen, but not if it's one of the kids. They might as well be six years old, and in fact, U.D. did have to say to her once, "I am not a child; don't speak to me that way." Mostly the kids, who are adults, refrain from debating her because they know what to expect.
Could that be it? With all the wonderful things that she has, do you suppose she resents my children -- either the fact that I have them or the fact that maybe they replace some of what she once represented? If so, that is a shame. They are truly my pride and my joy. (Mostly.) Sorry, lady, I think you just went too far this time.
