Goals or Process
Fri., August 8, 07:23 PM
One of the things one learns early in the Theory of Constraints is that once you identify and actually solve a constraint, you must start over at the beginning or inertia will become the constraint. In other words, a goal isn’t an end-all as much as a step in a process of ongoing improvement. That’s kind of what I said before, but it’s not what I have in mind for today.
An interviewer once asked me, “What do you consider the most important accomplishment in your life?” I was not expecting the question, because it’s not usually asked of applicants for a support position. (Don’t dismiss the support position; some of my best administrative work came at jobs where I was hired as a secretary.) I rejected the filing system I had developed for a corporate newspaper, even though it was still in use a decade later. I was not about to explain how a minor aspect of one company had become one of its main money-makers while I was in charge. What came out of my mouth was, “Three self-sufficient adults.” We both laughed.
Even though I still don’t consider myself finished, that was a goal. I also hoped for adult friends, once we had gotten past the “I am the parent and I am in charge” phases. May I gloat that I got that one too? But I remember a lot of short-term goals that worked very well indeed.
My first goal, when I had only the one baby, was that she should learn to speak. At four months she had begun to understand me — sometimes with annoyance — but I knew that she would experience frustration until she learned to make me understand her. Grunts and gestures would not be sufficient. The first time she said “Hot!” instead of just screaming at being put in her seat, I knew I was on the right track.
I don’t like baby talk, but I don’t forbid it if that’s what the kid knows. Eventually she corrected me, and I realized that she had the concept: to communicate effectively, we need to use the same words. Score!
They all learned to talk clearly and distinctly; as I’ve said before, the bigger problem was getting them to stop! By that time, however, I was working on a new goal: they must learn to read. Step one: they always saw me reading. Television was something we all enjoyed, especially Daddy; but Mommy usually had a book in her hands if she was sitting still.
As I would find out later, when I was volunteering as an adult literacy volunteer, that mindset — that reading is the thing to do — is at least as important as learning the letters and how they fit together. They began by simple imitation, but they became bookworms. It’s thirty years since I realized my son could read; I used to back off and just watch them practice, rather than working with them constantly. At some point we both would see that they were actually reading and not just reciting… At that point, I felt it was okay to die, because I had accomplished what I started. (I did not yet know about goals and processes.)
They have all accomplished many things that I wish I could have done myself, and the process goes on. Learning — even the one who finished high school with a GED. Taking care of oneself — even the “feckless” one. Holding on to our traditions, each in his/her own way. Pardon my kvelling, but they make me proud.
