LIFE INSURANCE
Mon., December 21, 04:23 PM
"An operation might have saved his life,
but apparently he had a pre-existing condition..."
Most of us are far more familiar with health insurance — or the lack thereof — than with life insurance. That could be why there are better jokes about it.
Maybe you know the old explanation of life insurance: it’s a gamble. The insurance company is betting that you will live, and you are betting that you will die. So, even if you win, you lose! I once repeated that to a woman who was trying to sell me life insurance over the phone. She didn’t get it, naturally, and repeated, “but the first three months are no charge…” So, as I said, not only do I lose, but I have to do it in three months. Where do they find people stupid enough to accept these jobs!
Lisa Scottoline, who is known for her mystery novels, says life insurance is fun. For years she paid premiums on her policy, until the day the agent called to say the policy was ready to convert. It seems that she had a “term” policy, which would have paid her beneficiaries had she died — but she didn’t. So now she has to buy a “whole life” policy, which will cost her a whole lot more because she is older and thus more likely to die.
The agent also tried to sell her disability insurance, in case she gets hurt and cannot work. Lisa points out that her livelihood depends on her brain, and she works from home. Losing an arm or a leg might slow her down a little, but she could still work. (She might be slightly handicapped, but certainly not disabled.) The agent can’t see it. “I live on top of a hill,” says Lisa, “I suppose you want to sell me flood insurance too.”
You can’t tell about these things. Sixty-plus years ago, when Husband enlisted in what would become the Air Force, he bought the life insurance that was offered by the Government. As I understand it, it was a whole life policy; maybe not, but you will see why I think so. It was not a very large policy; shortly after we married, he was notified that it was accruing enough interest and dividends that he no longer had to pay premiums. It just sat there and grew, until the death benefits were some nine or ten times the face value. That was very nice except, as you know…he didn’t die.
So here’s this life insurance policy just waiting, ’cause that’s what they do. But Husband’s circumstances have changed. According to the guidelines set for Title XIX, the patient cannot own anything of great value. He will have to cash out this policy. The cash value of the policy is…the face value. He never was a lucky gambler.
I have a policy too, though I can’t tell what kind it is. I opened it shortly before we had kids, and it would cover them as well as me until they grew up. It was a very small policy, just enough to cover a burial. It has an end on it, like a term policy; the end term is at age eighty-five. Fifty-five years seems like an awfully long term to me. If I actually last that long, I shall take the money and pre-pay for a funeral — and never pay life insurance premiums again.
